Hi all!
Hope you and yours are out of the path of Florence! Looking forward to your September poems!
RETURN
Palestinian teen activist Ahed Tamimi was released from an
Israeli prison on July 29, 2018, after serving an eight-month sentence for
slapping an IDF soldier. She had just learned that a soldier had shot her
15-year-old cousin in his mouth.
released from prison
into the wider captivity
into the wider captivity
on a blue and white day
she is swept
into the embraces
into the breezes of Nabi Salih
into the breezes of Nabi Salih
at the makeshift press conference:
bristling microphones
and IDF rifle barrels
(neither intimidate her)
take aim at her mouth
and IDF rifle barrels
(neither intimidate her)
take aim at her mouth
where the stories of her people live
she sits planted among the throng
with the patience of Jerusalem
unmovable as its shimmering dome
while her golden hair
the entire wheat field of it
caresses her father’s shoulder
caresses her father’s shoulder
there is resistance in the very
breezes of Nabi Salih
breezes of Nabi Salih
and Ahed’s hair waves and whips
now more recognizable
than the Palestinian flag
in every bold strand a demand
and the birthright
to live unleashed
her defiant curls
pale skin
reminiscent of another teenager
pale skin
reminiscent of another teenager
he, freed from a block
of veined white marble
his right hand cradled the fatal rock
hers opened flat in a slap
they were the same age
rooted in these same stone-strewn hills
rooted in these same stone-strewn hills
when they confronted giants.
Dear Claire, what a heartfelt and devastating poem. This is such a difficult ‘topic’ to write about… and the instigating event—the shooting in the mouth—is horrible, and unforgettable, and throws its shadow on all the writing around it…
ReplyDeleteMy fleeting reaction to the one obvious instance of rhyme: *bold strand a demand*, in the fifth stanza, makes me think that this poem would be even more effective with some kind of form constraining/restraining it… both to channel the tension of the subject and to mirror it somehow.
My sense is that the poem is contained in these first 5 stanzas, and the metaphorical stanzas about David and Goliath (?) that follow are a little numbing and distracting from the full shock of the instigating event and the poem.
I love the third stanza: the patience of Jersulem, the shimmering dome… I would maybe streamline it:
she sits planted
with the patience of Jerusalem
unmovable as its shimmering dome
her golden hair--
the entire wheat field of it--
caresses her father’s shoulder
I like the connection you make between waving hair and the waving Palestinian flag (makes me think of Dargie’s flag imagery too).
The second stanza could be rearranged a little.
bristling microphones
and IDF rifle barrels of a makeshift press conference
unintimidated when they take aim at her mouth
where the stories of her people live
I don’t particularly like the fact that IDF is shorthand (Israeli Defense Forces?)—it feels threatening when it’s so short and unexplained. (On the other hand, that might be your intention.)
Also, I wish I had a note for the place name/history of “Nabi Salih”- which I didn’t look up, though I could of course. Could you make the title—*Return to Nabi Salih*…?
I recommend to you (If you haven’t already read it) Fady Joudah’s new book (Milkweed Press): *Footnotes in the Order of Disappearance.* It is disturbing and intense. I couldn’t read it all the way through, and have stopped halfway, but I plan to go back to it.
Hope this helps. Such difficult times we are in. Take care xo
Thanks for the recommendation, Vasiliki! Reading Fady’s book now...And you said it — intense!
ReplyDeleteHi Claire,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the poem and sorry for the delayed comments.
Thanks for approaching this subject matter & telling this story. I wonder if a more intense focus on image or sound would provide a little more unity. I liked the David and Goliath reference and wonder if making that comparison more central to the poem could be a helpful device. Perhaps ending on more detail about David, more images of the statue you are referring to, and allowing the reader to draw the comparisons with Ahed rather than stating them expressly would help make Ahed's story even more broadly resonant.
Was the cousin killed? Could the epigraph go, "killed her 15-year-old cousin, shooting him in the mouth"? The mouth is important, but as drafted the epigraph doesn't read to me as as polished as the rest of the language, and it seems important to say if he was killed.
I had a few other word use quibbles: can hair caress? I think of the act of caressing as needing to be intentional, so that threw me off here. "A demand and the birthright to live unleashed..." The parallel usage of demand and birthright didn't seem as fluid as it should be.
Hope this is helpful.