The
Gift (New Version)
If you think mirrors
only reflect your own image
back to you, think again.
Rainbows overflowing
in a plastic bucket,
coffee grounds taking
on “S” and “L’s” shapes
in their own bitter language.
I’ve seen it all.
A blue feather atop
a silver scale just sitting
there registering time.
At first, these images
skimmed the surface
of glass, but then I felt
puppet strings between
my hands as if I were
pulling each image into view.
Or were they pulling me?
Pulling me into scenes
of tenderness and loss:
a man buttoning
up his grandson’s shoes,
A little girl kneeling on
the sidewalk to feed a dog.
An old widow whispering
into the knot of an oak tree.
So you’ll understand,
then, why that day in July
in Italy years ago when my sister
stepped off the train
—so thin, so unrecognizable—
I held up a hand mirror.
Not so she could see
what she had learned to hate.
But to offer up another
distant world: the one
within her. Teeming. Alive.
Glinting. Knife-like.
Wow, Shannon -- beautiful poem! How did you ever come up with this fresh and heart-wrenching image --
ReplyDeleteAn old widow whispering
into the knot of an oak tree.
?? Love it!
I like the title, as it speaks to the realization that our interior selves can also be reflected outwards and what a gift that can be to oneself and to others (the sister in the poem). It could also simply be titled "Gift".
The poem seems fully realized to me and could just use a little tightening in places. Just a few suggestions:
Rainbows overflowing
a plastic bucket,
coffee grounds taking
on S and L shapes
in their own bitter language. LOVE THIS!!!!!
I’ve seen it all.
A blue feather sits atop
a silver scale, LOVE THE REFERENCE TO WEIGHT HERE!
registering time.
I wondered about the three uses of pulling here and if one of them could be something different....maybe the third one could be changed to dragging, dancing, inserting (none of these is the right feel, but you know what I mean!).
pulling each image into view.
Or were they pulling me?
Pulling me into scenes...
In the last stanza, I don't think you need Alive when you have Teeming. I may be totally missing something obvious here, but I wonder if ending on Glinting might be better than ending with Knife-like. Perhaps the sister's thinness could be described as knife-like?
distant world: the one
within her. Teeming.
Glinting.
But not sure having only two words at the end is enough. So maybe something like...
distant world: the one
teeming within her,
glinting.
Oh, and I really love this stanza, its sounds:
At first, these images
skimmed the surface
of glass, but then I felt
Thank you, Shannon, for another lovely poem!
Shannon, I second Claire's enthusiasm about this one. The imagery is gorgeous and surprising, and the final four stanzas are deeply moving - I just love where the poem goes. And I also like the title, and agree with Claire that "Gift" would work equally well, maybe better. Love so many of the phrases and lines that Claire cited - I won't repeat them all - but especially the "bitter language" of the coffee grounds, the feather. I feel like I can't quite make the leap intuitively/somatically between stanzas 5 and 7 - the "pulling" part of the poem. I understand intellectually what's being asserted, but the way it is described seems slightly forced, to me - I don't quite believe it, and I might vote for something more plainspoken and direct. But I know Claire had a different experience w/these stanzas and others may as well. I also wondered about the narrator's voice in a couple sections. The first stanza ("if you think... think again") and "I've seen it all" feel supremely confident, almost as if the speaker is lecturing the reader, the "you." And then the 10th stanza begins "So you'll understand." I feel curious about what purpose these lines are serving - they seem to presuppose a relationship with the reader (or maybe the "you" is not meant to be the reader?) and I balked slightly at this, perhaps because I didn't quite buy into the "pulling" section of the poem so don't feel I *do* understand, at least not completely. What would the poem be like without these lines, at least without the ones that directly address "you"? Overall I love the poem, and so this may just be splitting hairs - see what you think and what others say. And thank you for this beauty.
ReplyDeleteHi Claire and Kasey, Thanks so much! Kasey, if I may ask a clarifying question to make sure I understand. Why isn't the "pulling" moment credible to you? And could you offer me an example of something more plainspoken and direct? A bit of context, this poem came out of a workshop on Symborska who often uses "if you think x, you're wrong." She does so much more nicely and eloquently, but I was working with negation. Perhaps this doesn't work? Sorry to have so many follow-up questions.
Delete*szymborska*
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ReplyDeleteShannon, I removed my last comment b/c I thought more about this and wasn't sure I'd explained my hesitations well enough, even the second time around! Here goes, and I hope this is helpful (and please let me know if it's confusing!): I have trouble on a physical level equating the movements of a puppeteer with the speaker somehow drawing out an image from beneath the first, obvious image she sees when she looks into a reflecting surface (at least, this is my reading of what the "pulling" means, but please correct me if I'm wrong). A puppeteer's movements seem potentially much more varied, even jerky at times, quick, brief - while the motion of drawing out an image feels like it would be smoother. Obviously I don't know what the latter actually "looks like" - !! But for me there's a mismatch between the physical actions of someone with puppet strings and what I believe the speaker is describing. Because I couldn't believe in this image on some sort of physical plane, I couldn't quite buy into it on any other level - emotional, metaphorical. Which I think leads into my questions about the narrator's tone and sense of confidence. I wasn't sure I trusted her, so especially when she says "So you'll understand" my first reaction was, but I don't understand. Or, I get it intellectually (I think!) but have not completely been able to make the leap of faith - again, because of my difficulty with that image, I think. I'm not sure exactly how to make this action more direct, but my general idea was something like: I saw beneath the surface to another image underneath - or similar. I know that's not great!
ReplyDeleteDear Kasey, Wow! This is so fantastic and makes total sense. I hadn't thought about the spatial/physical problem of the puppet strings. This is an excellent point, so thanks for explaining it. You've given me a lot to think about!
DeleteI'm so glad that helps! I worried I still hadn't explained it properly. And I have been thinking about this so much because I really love the poem - if I hadn't, that question wouldn't have stayed with me!
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon! This is an interesting, surprising poem. Claire pointed out many wonderful images, and I also appreciate Kasey's thoughtful explanation of the difficulty with the puppet strings imagery, which was a stumbling point for me the first couple of times I read the poem. A few tiny thoughts-- maybe 'little' girl is a bit cliched... Though this image could serve to echo the sister’s appearance at the end. I thought of possibly substituting 'an alternate' for 'another distant' in the the last stanza, though that would mess with the lineation. I also would avoid ending with 'knife-like' -- it feels violent, as if the sister is about to be mugged or worse. (Am I too literal?) Glinting definitely covers it. I’m not sure about The Gift as a title… unless maybe, rather than “I held up a hand mirror”—you substitute “I offered a hand mirror”-- I guess then the'offered up' that follows could be replaced by 'reflected another/distant world' Maybe a title like Blue Feather? (featherweight…?) Thank you for sharing this poem!
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the poem. It seems to be investigating the ways images can be held; and the tricky or surprising ways supposedly reliable items in our world can behave or be used. One persistent question I had when reading was, I wasn’t sure if the speaker was saying that mirrors literally make surprising reflections, or if the images you give us in the first few stanzas (rainbows in plastic bucket [love the contrasting sounds/ideas of “rainbow” and “bucket”], coffee grounds) were imagined. In trying to make literal sense of the images, I was picturing a European café with a mirror behind the bar and a plastic bucket with iridescent bubbles…. but wasn’t feeling very confident that this was what was intended. Then the blue feather, again, I was trying to fit this into a scene, not getting very far with it, then reaching the conclusion that you are creating more of a surreal landscape. I loved when we got to the sister stepping off the train and loved that the speaker’s action was to hold up a mirror. That seemed like one of those things you do in the moment that you don’t entirely know why you do, but later you understand your own intuition. That moment in the poem felt very tender and full to me, in spite of the fact that it is very sparely rendered. Beautiful. I wasn’t sure, though, how to make sense of the semi-surreal images of the first half of the poem in connection with the narrative/realistic moment of the sister stepping off the train. A few more minor points: Contrary to others, I liked “knife-like,” partly because it created a weight that tugged against some of the other images in the poem (little girls and rainbows) that felt lightweight. I took “knife-like” to mean the sister possessed personal power she may not have been aware of, and I liked ending on this image of, well, female power. To answer your question about the title, I think it’s fine. The advice I once got about titles that I more or less follow is that if you don’t have a title you love, just find a title that is simple and doesn’t get in the way, and I think The Gift, or maybe even just Gift, does that. Hope that helps! Thank you for the lovely work!