The
Man Poet, the Woman Poet
her hair is a curtain
her man worships behind
*
her hair is a curtain
her man worships behind
*
he is dressed in fatigues
*
she might be a chain smoker
growing glowing ash
so that a floating star is always before her
growing glowing ash
so that a floating star is always before her
*
another box yet to be opened
*
he once disintegrated
*
he put himself together with words
glued to his chest and innards
glued to his chest and innards
*
as he reads, her look of horror and admiration
as she reads, his look of perfect indifference
*
as she reads, his look of perfect indifference
*
fashioned in the fire
*
they are together but apart
her laughter dissipates like smoke
her voice is undertow
her laughter dissipates like smoke
her voice is undertow
-after watching a 1976 filmed poetry reading by Jack
Gilbert and Linda Gregg-
Dear Vasiliki,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is working really well. I love the form and I read the asterisks as important pauses in the scene. I love the simplicity of your language and the sparseness of the scene. All of this does a wonderful job of conveying emotional complexity and a shift in perspective. I wonder if a title like “Perspectives” or “Points of View” might work? I think an epigraph/note after the title re: the interview might help frame the poem.
As for the poem itself, I really loved all the images/moments but wondered about the ordering. For example, I ADORE the line “fashioned in the fire” and think it could be a wonderful last line. By comparison, I found the current last lines a bit summary-like and wonder if they wouldn’t do more work as the first (or one of the first) stanzas. Martha Rhodes has a really fun revision strategy that might be useful here. It’s essentially an “accordion” activity in which you’d make the poem twice as long and then see what it would look like if it were really short (only 3 lines, for example). I’d be curious to see what this would produce!
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Shannon
Vasiliki,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the poem! Fascinating subject, those two individuals and the sexual politics they encounter and embody, and fascinating work with it. I’ll make the same suggestion as to title that I did with Shannon’s poem – could “After watching a 1976 filmed..” be the title? A little long, perhaps, but delivers the information you need without getting in the way. Just a thought.
I was riveted by and keep coming back to “her look of horror and admiration” / “his look of perfect indifference.” Horror and admiration—she seems to be living all the feelings in one moment. His indifference—part of me wants to say, what a dick. Though you seem to complicate the idea of his simply being a dick elsewhere in the poem, especially with the opening couplet about his worshipping behind her hair and his putting himself back together.
I loved the cigarette/fire imagery, though there were a couple places I had questions. “she might be a chain smoker”—the might here slowed me down. Something like (roughly) “she has a cigarette in hand throughout” that is more of a factual observation of what is shown in the video would be less troubling to me. It just seems that someone either is or isn’t a chain smoker, and to say “might” introduces an idea of the speaker’s limited knowledge of these folks, which wasn’t all that helpful for this reader. And then the final line, “her voice in undertow,” I love on its own, as it makes me think of a gravelly, sexy smoker’s voice. But after the fire/star/smoke images, ending on a water image was a little confusing. Including a water or wave image in up above so the final line echoes something might help.
Not sure, lovely poem, hope this helps!
Dargie
Vasiliki, I like this title... having the man poet first, then the woman poet says so much right away! The lack of an "and" also sets up that sense of opposition from the final stanza -- "together but apart". Just a flimsy comma holding them together! The repetition of the word poet also feeds this feeling of opposing sides or at least separate sides. I think you could place the video reference right under the title...
ReplyDeleteThe Man Poet, the Woman Poet
(Jack Gilbert and Linda Gregg in a 1976 filmed reading)
I too love the "fashioned in the fire". Out of curiosity I watched most of the video and was struck by the image of the two of them on that remote Greek island, walking back to their hut at night in complete darkness. It's hard to watch this video without thinking Jack cruel...this couplet says it beautifully:
as he reads, her look of horror and admiration
as she reads, his look of perfect indifference
I wonder if the poem could end on--
her laughter dissipates like smoke.
What do you think?
You have tackled a tough subject here, Vasiliki!