Coconut Ice Cream
When it hits your tongue,
it tastes like somersaults or
skipping down a big dirt road
when the sun is shining so
brightly you can only see
the day in pieces or patches.
Or maybe it’s more like a tapestry.
Of silk, of laughter,
like full belly laughs.
Like that time you ran so fast
like full belly laughs.
Like that time you ran so fast
down an icy hill you thought
you were flying. Yes, coconut is
like that too, sometimes.
Like that time you slipped honey
into your pocket and felt
sticky sweet between your fingers.
Somehow, you felt so close to it all—
To the farm where the cows live
that made the milk, to the well where
water was taken and frozen
and to the bucket were it all churned.
To the cold metal crank you
can almost feel churning,
churning. This slow, steady, delicious,
drawn out rotations of the hand,
of muscle, and tongue.
Wouldn’t it be great if we, too, could be
made and remade like this?
Shannon, I love it that what's at stake here is joy. It's such a difficult subject to write into - and I think you do it beautifully. This is such a visceral, physical poem - all the images are grounded firmly (and again, beautifully) in the body and the physical world, and the profound ties between the human and the non-human feel enacted by the poem, believable and true. I especially love the lines that begin "to the farm..." and really especially "drawn out rotations of the hand, of muscle, and tongue." !!! The poem is lovely, and joyous, throughout. A couple of thoughts: I always appreciate it when poems ask questions, and I'm wondering how this poem would change if the question in the last two lines were phrased differently. As it is, there's really only one answer to the way it's worded (yes!) - what if, though, the question were more open ended? I'm thinking of a question in a Jane Hirshfield poem that goes something like "What would it be like to live fully in these our bodies?" I think an open-ended question might open up the poem, too, rather than closing it down at the end which I feel this question is doing somewhat (I know the answer, so I don't really have anywhere to go from there). I'm also wondering if you need the line "Somehow, you felt so close to it all" - I already sense that strongly through the poem's images. The movement from tapestry to laughter: I couldn't see the logic here, emotional or otherwise, so it felt a bit forced - maybe it's the tapestry that doesn't fit, at least to me? Hope this is helpful, and thanks for sharing this beauty.
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon-- I made some notes on your poem yesterday, and now when I look at the poem today, my mouth is watering. Hmm...clearly your poem has been working on me while I wasn't noticing. I love what Kasey said about 'joy,' and how the poem takes such pleasure in the natural world. My poems are very eye-driven, so I've been struck by your poems' observations on so many different registers. My thought was that it might be even more surprising to 'bury the lead' and move the first line down a bit "It tastes like somersaults or/skipping down a big dirt road/when coconut ice cream hits your tongue/and the sun is shining so/" -- or something like that. I love how the poem moves from hot to cold (sun to icy hill)- the sticky fingers seem like an odd tactile reminiscence of childhood, and possibly sexual, too. And I agree that 'felt so close to it all' isn't necessary. My other suggestion is also about the last two lines: I thought maybe you could omit them, and just end with the rotations... an effective and provocative metaphor for poetic creation.
ReplyDeleteShannon, I love the idea of ending this poem with the rotations and especially on the word tongue, as the poem begins there too! Question: should it be These instead of This slow, steady, delicious....? I am wondering about the possibility of starting the poem also with a similar question...something like What would it be like to taste like somersaults turned on a big dirt road/ To melt on a day so bright.... To sort of get even deeper *inside* the coconut ice cream in a way... and ending on a rephrasing of your current question to make it more open-ended as Kasey suggests. I really love where this poem takes us, to that idea of being made and re-made! Thank you, Shannon, for this joyous poem. And now, to go find some coconut ice cream!
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon - I am loving the subject and title of this poem. It seems like sometimes as poets, we think we have to write about the subtlest, most complex, often sad/depressing subjects, and this poem is a great example of how we actually don't. Celebrating coconut ice cream is a great reason to write a poem, as you show us, and coconut ice cream is actually a lot more subtle and complex than it might seem at first blush. I agree with the comments above about rotations/tongue; I also love the image of slipping honey in the pocket. I'm not sure if this is what you intended, but I loved its strangeness, the idea of just squeezing a bunch of honey directly into a pocket. It added depth to the hedonistic accumulations of the poem. Thank you!
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