Hi y'all - here's May. Still in Kansas! Comments of all kinds welcome.
The flags
are flying flat out
from their poles,
snapping continuously,
gasping
America!
or Kansas!
or Jayhawks!
(the flags over the car dealerships,
just plain blue or red fields,
have the same enthusiasm and get the same treatment,
but don’t have as much to say).
Day after day they fly like that, as if starched,
or stuck in an illustration
of considerable windspeed
from an introductory meteorology textbook.
The flags’ stamina is a little impressive
but mostly crushing,
like forced piety.
Oh wind, please
give them a break.
But it doesn’t, or can’t;
and after three or four days of an especially relentless blow,
some of the flags
get wrapped a couple of times around their poles
and are only able to muster
two-thirds of their lengths.
They are acolytes still abject in their devotion,
but thwarted in their expression of it:
the American flag atop a downtown tower,
eye level from my floor,
its field of stars half-visible and its stripes stubs,
the proportions all wrong,
and the blue field of the Kansas flag that
presides over the turnpike service center
is wrapped almost to the edge of the central crest,
its lower letters crying only NSAS
and it’s a relief, in a way, that
at least couple members of this mad army
register the unbearable nature
of their task,
to be a flag
in Kansas;
and I give them a sympathetic look,
and then I turn to the wind and plead
shhh
please
quiet
Dargie, so happy to still be in Kansas! I feel the power of the poem here, but I think it is still hidden within a prosiness (is that a word?). I love the way you are commenting on a certain sameness about the state (or something more personal?) in the form of the flags, constantly flying flat-out. And how you long to give those flags a "break" from that wind! I really like the use of "fields" throughout, especially these lines:
ReplyDeleteits field of stars half-visible and its stripes stubs,
the proportions all wrong,
The fields, the flags, even the sky in Kansas -- all flat, all never-changing. Having lived in New England all of my life, where it is said if you don't like the weather, just wait a minute, this sameness is foreign to me! I think you have all of the elements (no pun intended!) here in this draft -- it just needs some pruning and compression to get it to its full power.
I wonder if repeating "To be a flag in Kansas" throughout the poem would be effective. Beginning with sheer observation: "To be a flag in Kansas is to fly flat out...." then moving toward a more interior point of view: "To be a flag in Kansas is to display forced piety (or gaiety?)..." or " ...to plead with the wind for a break". I don't know -- just a suggestion as to a possible "container" for this poem. Maybe a brief reference to the more deadly aspects of that wind? I also wonder if this poem needs the "I" or if the flags could do all the work? I am curious to know what everyone else thinks! Thanks for another glimpse at the exotic land of Kansas, Dargie! Loving it!
Prosiness, that is so helpful!
DeleteDargie, I'll respond soon! But I just read a piece about Kansas online, and thought of you. Here it is (about farming and the depopulation of rural Kansas), if you're interested:
ReplyDeletehttps://newfoodeconomy.org/rural-kansas-depopulation-commodity-agriculture/?src=longreads
Again, more soon! Kasey
Thanks, that is a good one!
DeleteDargie, I'm going to respectfully disagree with Claire. I don't find this one too prosy - I actually love the directness of the language and the logical linebreaks, both of which feel like they contribute so much to the tone, which I also love and which feels wryly funny but with something underneath that that's more serious and only partially hidden. Several of the Kansas poems seem to me to have this tone - and as always I'm curious and excited to see more. Anyway, back to this one: it feels realized to me, pretty much finished - I can only think of a few suggestions. In the second to last stanza, I don't think you need to spell out "to be a flag in Kansas" - their task already feels clear. And I wonder if the final five lines are as strong as they could be. The narrator's sympathy for the flags is already present earlier in the poem, and this doesn't feel to me like a repetition that adds anything. I wonder about cutting those lines and the two before and ending with "of their task" - or is that too drastic? Also, others may like the way the poem ends now! I don't have any other concrete suggestions for it - or for the rest of the poem! Which, again, feels very realized, present, and whole.
ReplyDeleteHi Dargie! I was happy to read this poem and I confess there is a little bit of a sense of awe in me at the objects that you choose as subjects of your poems-- the parking garage, the flag flapping... The French poet Francis Ponge comes to mind-- Wiki: "Francis Ponge has been called “the poet of things” because simple objects like a plant, a shell, a cigarette, a pebble, or a piece of soap are the subjects of his prose poems."-- There is such a boldness in taking this on, from an abstracted and outside perspective, without the typical use of a lyrical "I" around which everything turns like the flag around its pole...Given this, that's why I find the line: "(at)eye-level from my floor"-- potentially very poignant because it suddenly and briefly grounds us in a stable perspective. So in response to Claire's comment about the "I" - I would say that this poem has that! However, I agree with her that there is a little editing and pruning left to be done... My suggestions would be to look carefully at the articles, qualifiers, and adverbs (which can feel prosy): I would omit "continuously" in line 4, and bring "gasping" up next to "snapping." I would omit: (the) car dealerships (a little)impressive (an especially)relentless *blowing*. Omit (They are) and begin with Acolytes. Omit (still) abject. I would even omit the 'ands' that begin and punctuate the last couple of stanzas. So the end would read: to be a flag in Kansas/I give them a sympathetic look/turn to the wind and plead, etc. A few other things that crossed my mind- hope you don't find my comments presumptuous- (Alternatives) Day after day-->day in day out
ReplyDeleteThe flags' stamina-> the stamina of flags. wrapped /a couple of times --> wrapped around and around. unbearable-->inexorable. There are two phrases that I find over-vague: "get the same treatment" and mad "army"-- perhaps there is a less fraught collective symbol than army. Finally, I think "To Be A Flag in Kansas" would be an excellent title. Hope this is helpful, Dargie!
Dear Dargie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this poem, which I love. There’s so much energy in these lines. I echo what a lot have said and agree, especially, with the suggestion to call this poem “"To Be A Flag in Kansas.” I wonder a little bit about two things: 1) lineation and margins: I wonder if you played with the blank space of the page a bit. This poem seems so dynamic and alive; so I think indentations and white spaces might animate that a bit more? This is just something to play with. 2) I wonder what would happen if you began the poem with the second stanza, which I love and which might immerse us more fully and immediately into the poem? So it would read:
gasping
America!
or Kansas!
or Jayhawks!
The flags
are flying flat out
from their poles,
snapping continuously,
(over the car dealerships,
just plain blue or red fields,
have the same enthusiasm and get the same treatment,
but don’t have as much to say).
This suggestion would require a bit more finessing of the parentheses, but it might be interesting to play with?
Thanks for sharing!
Shannon